Don't know

I don't know what else to do. There is no one to talk to and no desire to write out in my journal...I have to get this out. I have not felt this intensity of mixed emotions for sometime...maybe since the day I was ready to give up life. I feel and I feel intensely. My passion is strong. My power is strong. Today I walked to class with my right fist clenched and my left hand slightly open as if I held something. I couldn't break myself of this stance. The strength I feel is unreal. I fear of it being unleashed. Does it need to be unleashed? I'm edgy, I can't focus. I'm constantly shifting and moving. My heart pains and feels deeply. i can't sleep...I've had some of the most intense nightmares...i wake up at 6, 5, even 4 in the morning. I'm tired...exhausted. I'm sick.

I'm at a loss on what decisions to make. Who can I turn to? Who understands me? Who knows me? Who can offer me righteous advice?

What is this that has taken hold of me? Whatever it is...it has gripped me. I long to release it; how?

i hold on to the few things i know...God is faithful. God is true. God loves me. I have eternal life. I have found favor in my Lord's eyes. This is my hope, the salvation and love of my God.

hear my cry