Just jump! or not

Ended up helping Ray pack and move some of his stuff yesterday. Well we needed to get into Cagle's apartment and it was locked...as it wasn't supposed to be. So I have the option to jump to the balcony. Now this is huge. I have not been provided with such a risky attempt in quite some time. There is no doubt in my mind that I could make that jump, but for probably the first time ever, I hesitated. Now if you are going to do something that risks pain, you can't hesitate, cause then you begin to think about the negative consequences rather than focusing on the fact that you can do it. Then your knees begin to lock up a little bit and even if you get the courage to jump, you've already lost some ability due to your knees locked up. Well, I didn't jump. It was easier and safer to climb up Ray's shoulders. I don't know how I feel about this. Ray asked the question if I was leaving the cowboy stage (read Wild at Heart or The Way of the Wild Heart). Maybe I am leaving the cowboy stage, maybe I have been in the process of leaving it for some time. Regardless, it's something to think about. I will never forget that moment, making the decision to not jump. Part of me says it's because I lack the guts, the other part says I have nothing to prove, nothing to gain. I say to myself I could make that jump if it was needed. There would only be one way to find out, and that would be in a situation where I needed to jump. So now the question for me to answer is this:

Do I have what it takes to jump when necessary?

Perhaps advancing from the cowboy stage is adding in the "necessary" part? The question still remains the same, the question that has been asked for a longggggg time. And it will always be asked.

In case you were wondering what the answer is...it is yes.

So much is happening I'll spare you, and is not the time for public view...I've learned that there are more of you out there reading this than I know...

have a great day!